Funny… my marriage was temporary, but my divorce feels like it’s gonna last forever.
I’m feeling defensive (perhaps a self-inflicted wound) and want to say this: anyone who thinks me airing my dirty divorce laundry is only or mostly about me, isn’t paying attention. The struggles and injustices I’ve experienced, so many women, TOO MANY women, are also experiencing.
The family court system– like the rest of our court system, is overburdened and underfunded and therefore painfully slow and primarily fair for the financially privileged (and a gamble at best for the rest of us).
The way child support is calculated automatically financially disadvantages people who were stay-at-home parents during their marriage.
The FACT that on average women have a lower earning potential and higher cost of living than men, due to a whole bunch of sexist BS that we have no control over, is not taken into account in parenting plans or financial agreements.
Neither is the FACT that on average women bear the majority of parenting responsibilities with things like taking children to medical appointments, taking time off of work when kids are sick or off for school holidays, and fulfilling parent volunteer responsibilities at the kids schools.
Lots of men use these crappy legal and cultural realities to their advantage. My ex-husband’s “well if I can get away with it, it must be right” attitude is not unique by any stretch of the imagination.
And neither was the abuse I experienced. Black eyes and broken bones aren’t the standard picture anymore. Abusive men have learned that you can scare a woman into submission without leaving a single visible mark. Someday I’m going to write down all the similar stories I’ve heard from so many other women. Someday… when I’m not so tired and worn out from being divorced from a douchecanoe.