The PMS Chronicles

7:40 a.m.: Send kids off with kisses and hugs for a week with their dad.
7:45 a.m.: Sit down on the sofa to enjoy a delightfully quiet cup of coffee as I happily review my to do list and prepare to attack the mountain of mail and paperwork that used to be my desk. Ahhhhhhhh… I feel good. happycoffee
9:52 a.m.: Flop down on sofa, stare blankly out the window, start to cry, quickly move on to full-blown bawling, curl up in fetal position as tears and snot soak the cushion. I feel sad. pmscrying
11:19 a.m.: Spend 45 minutes playing with my hair and determine once and for all that I am too old to wear high pigtails. Low pigtails, however, are still adorable. I feel contented.happy-hair
12:02 p.m.: Old friend bearing treats stops by to say hello. I feel happy.
2:02 p.m.: Make some progress on the piles. I feel great!YAY!ME!
2:03 p.m.: The fucking piles never end! I am scared and full of DESPAIR.
2:17 p.m.: Text a few friends. Somebody save me!!!PMStoon
3:21 p.m.: Friend #1 confirms a relief visit for later this evening.
4:13 p.m.: Friend #2 shows up with hugs and good conversation. I feel better.
5:58 p.m.: Sit down and write a few jokes for upcoming show. I feel great!
6:33 p.m.: Blurry vision, head spinning, forgot to eat, blood sugar crash. Oh my god I’m going to pass out, crack my head on the kitchen counter, die, be eaten by my cats and no one will find me because I’ll be too unconscious and/or dead to text for help. I feel so alone!!catseatyou
6:41 p.m.: Heat and eat a Sunburger I find in the back of the freezer. I feel normal.
6:45 p.m.: Turn on tv intending to zone out with a Netflix episode, discover the show CHiPs is airing on one of the local stations. I feel euphoric. erik_estrada_chips(7 year old me fell deeply in love with Frank Poncherello and had no idea what to do with all those strange feelings. 41 year old me does not care one little bit that Erik Estrada can’t act.) I feel gooooood. erik-estrada-shirtless
7:20 p.m.: Decide that the only thing better than riding a crazy-ass hormone roller coaster is bringing my friends along for the ride. I’m sorry, you’re welcome, and stay tuned; the night is young…

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